Sarcastic Status for WhatsApp

  1. Facebook is telling me to “reconnect” with my brother…hmmm, I see him everyday.

  2. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue. – Dilbert

  3. As the joker said, if you are good at something why do it for free.

  4. Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really.

  5. Going to temple/church/mosque doesn’t make you a human, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

  6. I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, gross, godless, evil stuff and I want it.

  7. I wasn’t lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth.

  8. Upgrade your weekend: Take Monday Off.

  9. People say that laughter is the best medicine…my face must be curing the world!

  10. Think I’m Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!

  11. If a stranger offers you a piece of candy…take two…

  12. My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.

  13. My IQ came back negative.

  14. The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*.

  15. Remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

  16. Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

  17. Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software…it’s called #Monday, please fix it.

  18. Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1-2.

  19. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

  20. I’m Only Here For The Free Food.

  21. Suicide: Mans way of telling God – You can’t fire me, I quit.

  22. Me: What kind of font is this?

  23. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

  24. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

  25. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

  26. I didn’t climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

  27. No Déjà vu please… I Don’t want to go through that again.

  28. It takes patience to listen. it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.

  29. I love my life, but it just wants to be friends.

  30. Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

  31. A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

  32. I never admit or deny anything it makes things more interesting.

  33. If something goes wrong at the office, blame the guy who can’t speak English.

  34. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

  35. Oh… Sorry… Did you mistake me for someone who cares?

  36. I wonder where my brother is, his lunch is getting all cold and eaten.

  37. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.

  38. If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

  39. I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?

  40. I’m smiling. This should scare you.

  41. It takes two to lie… One to lie and one to listen.

  42. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

  43. Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

  44. Oh… I didn’t tell you… Then It must be none of your business.

  45. Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids… Eat them!

  46. Shut up, will you? Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness, should I go get you your coffee and tea now?

  47. The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.

  48. Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!

  49. Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs.

  50. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

  51. Avoid arguments about the toilet seat…use the sink.

  52. I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!

  53. Gods are fragile things, they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense. – Chapman Cohen

  54. Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defence.

  55. Waitress: Do u have any questions about the menu?

  56. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

  57. I’m a prince in Lagos, Nigeria and I want you to help me move $500 million out of the country.

  58. There is no “me” in team. No, wait, yes there is!

  59. Don’t regret doing things, regret getting caught.

  60. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body… Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

You can use and twist these Sarcastic status and quotes, so it becomes more personalised and unique. You can use these Sarcastic Status for WhatsApp and share with your friends.

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